In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on.
Do the people inside mascot costumes also smile when they have their photos taken?
I'm writing a funny book. should i call it "The Lone Ranger goes to Canada" or "On To Toronto Tonto"?
Wifey says I should use the term "make love" instead of "f*ck.". What the make love is she talking about?
Wine with crackers and cheese is basically just the classy version of beer and nachos..
Why does tasty mean that a thing tastes good and smelly mean that a thing smells bad?
Kids today are so coddled - Elf on the Shelf, Toy Story. In my day, if dolls magically came to life, they murdered you and everyone you love
If you believe in reincarnation then your tombstone should say “b.r.b” instead of “r.i.p”.
I got really drunk and had unprotected sex with the cashier at 7-Eleven last night. I Hope I don't catch Slurpees.
I’m going to start telling women that I’m available for a limited time only in hopes that their shopping instinct kicks in.
I have lots of great personality traits. Or as my doctor calls them, symptoms.
Nothing good has ever come from answering a call from a blocked phone number.
My wife said we should try some role reversal in bed last night. So I said I had a headache.
Of course women have cleaner minds than men. They change them much more often
I never realize how much I swear until I’m in a situation where I can’t.
When is Zivity gonna start allowing video content? I may dislike doing it, but I dislike wearing clothes outside as well. But I do *that! (w